


Remus Confesses to Sirius

by simplysirius



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Feels, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Heavy Angst, M/M, One Shot, Pining, Relationship(s), Remus x Sirius, sirius x remus, wolfstar, wolfstar angst, wolfstar fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-10-08
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:14:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26899528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simplysirius/pseuds/simplysirius
Summary: When Remus realizes he's in love with his best friend, he decides to avoid him. When Sirius sees what's going on, he confronts Remus and it all spills out.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 5
Kudos: 194





	Remus Confesses to Sirius

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on Tumblr @simplysirius for more!

The moment the compartment door of the Hogwarts Express opened and a bouncy, lanky boy walked in and sat down next to him without so much as even saying hi, Remus knew. He didn’t know to what extent quite yet – he could have never guessed – but he knew that he had found his best friend and just maybe a home for his heart.

“Want a chocolate frog?” The boy asked, shoving his hand out and offering Remus a slightly melted, disfigured chocolate frog. He took it warily, careful to keep the sleeves of his jumper pulled down around his wrists, hesitant to smile in case it showed off his magnificent split lip from the last full moon. 

“I’m Sirius,” the boy introduced, toothy grin spreading over his face. He stuck out his hand, waiting for Remus to take it. “Don’t worry, I washed my hands yesterday.”

Remus’ small body was taken aback, shocked at his loud affability and strangely proud confession; the compartment was hardly able to confine such a personality. He timidly took Sirius’ hand in his, at once registering how much warmer the pale skin was than his own, and tried a small smile. “I’m Remus.”

Sirius shook aggressively, too exuberant and bursting with energy, and glanced out the window next to Remus. “You got the window seat. Best view. Do you think we’ll see any sheep on the way?”

“I don’t know,” Remus answered, knowing full well that the English countryside was brimming with the wooly creatures. “There’s another bench right there.” He pointed to the empty seat opposite them, where a perfectly good window seat was waiting to be enjoyed.

“Nah, I like this side.”

“Oh…I can move if you want?” Remus suggested.

Sirius slid closer to Remus, pressing their legs and shoulders together. “I’m good! I’ll just sit like this. The view is good enough. Hey, have you ever seen a cow?”

“A…cow?” Remus choked, watching him blush furiously in his reflection bouncing off the window. “You don’t get out much, do you?”

“No,” Sirius chirped honestly with a shrug. Something in his eyes flashed a miserable, quiet disturbance before they returned to a brilliant, lively blue. His legs swung as they dangled from the bench, and he just smiled at Remus.

It was a complicated, perplexing grin, equal parts excited and mischievous, that was a bit concerning if you stared too long. Remus loved it.

The compartment door opened for a second time and James Potter walked in with his glasses hanging off one ear and a prominent pink lipstick stain on his cheek. The rest was history.

Remus loved his friends. He loved them when they spent hours under the invisibility cloak at night, discovering uncharted territory in the abandoned Hogwarts halls. He even loved them when he was punished with detention for a prank he had no part in. Where there was James there was Sirius, and where there was Sirius there was Remus. They were an inseparable package deal. Seeing one without the other was unsettling, and often left the professors wondering when the invisible bandit would strike.

It wasn’t until fourth year that Remus realized that he loved James, he would die for him without a second thought, but Sirius was different. There was something about the way he craved to hold Sirius’ head in his lap, protecting him from the cruel memories and dreadful thoughts that dragged like prison chains, that made Remus realize he had finally succumbed. Remus loved Sirius, and he would die if he couldn’t have him. It was an all at once terrifying thought – one that he didn’t dare speak aloud in case it was true – and he made a conscious effort to push it away. 

The problem was, it wasn’t going away. The thought came back at dinner, watching Sirius stick skewers up his nose while eating his kabobs. The thought came back during class, fingers brushing against fingers as they poured potion ingredients into a cauldron. The thought came back at night, silently staring at Sirius while he slept, wondering how warm his body must be nestled under the blankets. 

If he tried hard enough, Remus could ignore it. Barely. But he could. He would immediately think of something different – like dead cats, maybe – and force his lungs to function correctly, demanding that his heart continue beating. Most of the time, it worked. And when it didn’t, Remus was quick to come up with an excuse. He was naturally very clumsy, never really knowing how to put one foot in the other without incident, so when he hit his growth spurt and found himself constantly tripping whenever Sirius laughed, he blamed it on the extra couple inches. Sirius found everything funny, which meant that Remus got to cherish that beautiful, melodious sound, but it also meant he could barely make it through a day without falling or hiccupping or – and he tried desperately to forget this unfortunate incident in transfiguration that nearly had Madame Pomfrey bursting through the door – choking on his own spit.

By fifth year, Remus was restless, desperate to be in the same room as Sirius, but unable to stand next to him without feeling sick. Every time he thought of Sirius, his stomach would pitch and he felt like he was set on fire. His fingers would tingle, longing to be held. His lips would quiver, longing to be kissed. His heart would ache, longing to be loved. Remus had to start making excuses to study by himself in the library because, sitting so close to Sirius, he couldn’t concentrate on anything else but the scent of his musky robe and the strand of hair that fell into his eye. Remus wanted to push that strand back behind Sirius’ ear and kiss his forehead. 

It got to the point where Remus’ body physically hurt any time Sirius was near, and it was so agonizing that he couldn’t stand to be around him anymore. Instead, he woke up earlier, running to get breakfast before everyone else and hiding in the library until class. When school finished for the day, he’d find a cozy abandoned hallway and do his homework, occupying his mind with runes and potions; anything that didn’t have blue eyes, black hair, and his entire heart. He had no other option but to sit next to Sirius six hours a day – assigned seats could be a bitch sometimes – so he tolerated it as well as possible with tight smiles and taut muscles. 

At the end of herbology one day in late October, Sirius grabbed at Remus’ robe before he could dash back to the castle in a hurry, afraid that he was beginning to lose his best friend. Remus vaguely registered his heart dropping into his stomach when he felt Sirius’ hand close around him.

“Wanna go to the astronomy tower tonight?” He asked quietly so that no one else could hear, hope rising in his throat and settling on the apples of his cheeks. 

God, did Remus want to go. The astronomy tower had become their sacred respite, a place for them to escape when James was hunting Lily down and the Gryffindor dorm wasn’t private enough. How many times had Remus looked at Sirius’ face, illuminated by the pale stars above, and wish that he could kiss him? How many times had they sat shivering on the ledge in the dead of winter, wishing he could pull Sirius into his body and keep him warm. They hadn’t visited the tower yet this year; Remus was too busy running to abandoned corridors and Sirius was too busy wondering why.

“I can’t,” Remus declined quickly. “Lot of homework. I’m trying to get ahead. Just in case...you know.”

Remus felt guilty for using his condition to lie to Sirius. Of course, sometimes he really did try to get ahead, but he was already finishing up next week’s assignments and if he tried to memorize another potion ingredient list his head was going to explode.

He pretended not to notice Sirius’ face fall as he spun away and escaped out the door.

The castle felt all too alive that night, like the walls had ears and were waiting with baited breath for Remus to make a sound so they could alert the whole world that he was wedged in a broom closet. He knew that this was a new low, even for him, but what else was there to do?

There were two options on the table – or, rather, the floor of the broom closet. The first was to tell Sirius the truth: that Remus loved him and would quite literally dissolve into a pile of ash if Sirius didn’t love him back. Remus scoffed at the thought. The second option was to never tell Sirius, keep avoiding him for another two years until they graduate, ruin their friendship, move to Siberia, and never worry about falling in love again because who the fuck lives in Siberia. That option was music to Remus’ ears. Almost as sweet as hearing Sirius’ laugh. Goddamnit. 

Remus didn’t want to think anymore. He wished his brain had an off button, or that there was a potion that could knock him out for a few hundred years. Instead, he rose to his feet and stumbled out of the broom closet, willing to venture to the one place where all his thoughts seemed to slip away with just the blink of an eye and a bright night sky.

It was a strange phenomenon striking the Whomping Willow’s knot with his wand while still able to stand on his own, eyes wide open and skin firmly human. Remus had never visited the shack with all his sanity; to be fair, having one boy terrorize his mind to the point of visiting the place where he literally transforms into a creature straight out of nightmare fuel was probably not an indication of being entirely sane either. He followed the tunnel to the familiar heavy door, tapped his wand to the wood to unlock it, and stepped inside.

The shack was dirtier than he remembered, shards of glass sprinkled on the floor, an overturned chair with a broken leg lying on its side, but it was devoid of life and for once, Remus was appreciative. He pushed some glass to the side and settled on the ground, resting his head against the nearly rotted wall.

Remus was instantly shaken by a tap at the door, eyes wide as he watched the lock slowly slide to the side. He barely had time to unsheathe his wand before the door opened and Sirius was blinking at him.

“Sirius? What the fuck?” Remus gasped, lowering his wand. His heart was beating so loud in his ears that he could hardly hear himself think. “How did you find me?”

Sirius meekly held up the all too familiar folded parchment, where Remus could just make out his name etched inside the Shrieking Shack. Beside it, Sirius’ name. Of course.

“Why do you keep avoiding me?”

Remus swallowed hard and lied, “I’m not avoiding you.”

Sirius raised an eyebrow, gesturing to the shack, and Remus slumped back against the wall, decidedly not looking at him. “You’re doing it right now,” Sirius chided. “Did I do something wrong?”

Yes, he did. Sirius’ face was entirely too arresting, his wicked grin too endearing, his laugh too contagious. He was too caring, too kind, too gentle. He was too everything and it was all at once so overwhelming that Remus was dizzy. And he was too smart not to realize what was happening.

“No,” Remus sighed. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Sirius timidly walked over and lowered himself onto the floor, tiny beads of glass crunching under his weight. He propped his elbows on his knees and shrugged. “What’s going on with you, Moony?”

Now would be a great time to fly to Siberia. Instead, with his teeth gritted hard and his heart clenched harder, he relented.

“Have you ever been in love?”

Sirius immediately stiffened beside him. “I don’t know. Maybe.”

Remus closed his eyes tightly. Shit. What if he was in love right now? What if, while Remus was off running to the nearest exit, Sirius had fallen in love with someone else? Remus felt sick.

“I’m in love,” he said, voice breaking. “And it’s driving me insane.”

“Oh,” Sirius said stupidly. 

There was a moment of heavy silence then, Sirius’ brain working furiously, Remus’ hot with panic. He told himself he wasn’t going to do it, and yet here he was, on the precipice of jumping off a mountain without the security of a rope to catch him. He suspected that the fall would be exhilarating, with all the air rushing across his face, hair blown back, arms wide open, and that the landing would be annihilating, all shattered bones and bruised skin and broken heart.

“Remus,” Sirius breathed. His voice, so soft and delicate and fraught, startled Remus. Never had he heard Sirius dripping with such desperation. It made his chest twist. “Just say it.”

He blinked once before his mouth fell open and his voice shook. “I love you.”

Sirius stilled, like he didn’t think Remus had the courage to say it, like his lungs were empty and those three words suddenly gave him a lifetime of air. The corners of his mouth lifted ever so slightly, and he swallowed. “Took you long enough.”

Remus shook his head. “What?”

“I’ve been waiting for you to say that to me for five years,” Sirius explained with a nervous laugh. He chewed on the inside of his cheek, toes curling in his boots, before he found the nerve. “I…I love you too.”

Remus had never thought that anything good would happen in this stupid shack. It was just a place for his humanity to go and die for a couple hours before being resurrected back into a worn and beaten body. But good things had happened in that shack. He was never afraid of hurting anyone anymore. He had two best friends stay by his side for hours on end, unaffected by the events of the night. He had one best friend just tell him he loved him, who was now staring at him, waiting for him to do something.

“Can I…can I kiss you?” Remus asked softly, and before he had even finished the question, Sirius was leaning closer to him. Their lips met quietly, afraid that if they were too loud, someone would burst through the door. Remus lifted his hand slowly, cupping Sirius’ cheek and pulling him closer to his body. He had only ever dreamed of touching Sirius’ face, and now, feeling the hot blush creep under his skin, eyelashes tickling his hand, strong jawline settle in his palm, he no longer had to dream. Sirius’ hand found its way to Remus’ thigh, fingers softly pressing into the flesh, and Remus was sure he was about to explode. 

Sirius loved him. Sirius loved him. Sirius loved him.

The thought made him drunk and he pressed his mouth harder against Sirius’. The boy who loved him. God. He would never, never in a million years, ever be able to think about anything else.

“Remus,” Sirius gasped, pulling his lips away, and for a split second, Remus saw his entire new world crash around him. He waited for the words to fall from Sirius’ mouth: actually I lied, haha, wasn’t that funny? Or, you know what, never mind, I think I’m still just into girls. Nothing prepared him for what came next. “I think I have glass in my ass.”

“What?”

Sirius gently pushed Remus back and rose to his knees, glancing behind him. Sure enough, there was a little red stain on the denim of his pants, a small tear where a piece of glass stuck out.

Remus tried to stifle his laughter, but even with two hands clamped on his mouth, he couldn’t help himself. Here was the boy he was hopelessly in love with, the boy who said he loved him back, with glass in his ass.

“It’s not funny!” Sirius cried, undoing his belt. It immediately silenced Remus.

“What are you doing?” He choked.

“You have to get it out! It hurts!” Sirius pulled his belt free, fingers now fumbling with the button of his pants.

Remus waved his hands wildly in the air, trying to get Sirius to stop. “Sirius!”

“You just told me you love me, don’t act like you’ve never wanted to see my ass before!” Sirius exclaimed, almost laughing too hard to breathe. 

Remus had to admit, he did think about it once or twice or a thousand times before.


End file.
